Well, here we go again…another new year, another fresh start, another resolution.  For as long as I can remember, my resolution was always to lose weight. Year after year, I would “change my life”, go on some fad diet or extreme measure to make that year “my year”. It was miserable. I didn’t look forward to it and I never reached the kind of Victoria’s Secret success I had hoped for. My goals were unreasonable and unattainable. The year would pass and no matter any success, I would be disappointed with myself for not becoming the perfect person the new year had envisioned. And IT. WAS. EXHAUSTING.

This year. I’m done. Not because I think I’m perfect and not because I couldn’t lose a pound or two, but because I’m better than that. Let’s be clear- I have no interest in being obese or unhealthy. I have every intention of spending more time running in the morning, cooking well-rounded meals for me and my family and maybe doing a little yoga every now and then. I’m also going to eat out with friends, make brownies and eat more than I should and buy gummy bears in bulk.

It just seems that somewhere along the way, I made peace with what I have and what I don’t. I stopped being afraid of double chins in photos and instead focus on the great memory.  I stopped focusing on the size zero I will never be and instead focus on the healthier version of the person I am.

It took a long time to get to this place and, in fairness I understand that there are people who for many reasons really do have to make drastic changes. For everyone else, I hope your resolutions this year are for you and you alone. Not for the guy or girl you’re trying to impress or the person you wished you looked like or anyone in any magazine ever! Those are not real people.

I’m not a hippie dippy, love yourself kinda person. But seriously, this year, give yourself a break.

Happy 2013!  This is totally your year.

P.S. If you ever need more of a pep talk on this topic. This might be my favorite thing ever.

Yesterday marked 92 years since the 19th amendment passed, granting women in the United States the right to vote. Yesterday I spent a good amount of time reading about the suffragist movement, and it’s just ballsy and amazing what these women pulled off.

One thing I learned: this wasn’t a short, simple or painless crusade. As with so many other people who have fought (and are currently fighting for) equal  rights, the road is often uphill. And dirty. And rocky. With all sorts of shenanigans and people trying to delay progress.

Read this timeline, which succinctly outlines the path to voting for women in the early 1900′s…this play-by-play is fascinating. Perhaps my favorite part of the crusade went down in the Spring of 1919. Here’s what happened (from the Scholastic website):

The most prominent National Woman’s Party suffrage prisoners (including Havemeyer, Rogers, Milholland, Winsor, Vernon) tour the country on a train called the “Prison Special.” At each stop they speak about the need for suffrage and their prison experiences; between stops they threw suffrage literature out the windows for farming communities.

That’s right, they went on a speaking tour. And called it the Prison Special. How Rikers Island is that? And I thought our upcoming tour theme was edgy. These suffragists were no joke, naming their cross-country tours after their time in the Big House. Totally badass.

This, my friends, is the power of the spoken word. It is the bravery of one woman standing up and speaking her truth.

We are living in a time where we have so many communication tools: e-mail, phone, skype, social media, the Internet (and I think the US Postal Service is still in business…for now). It’s easy to forget the impact of looking into someone’s eyes, and telling them what you believe.

This is where change begins. Over a coffee. A dinner discussion. A tense debate at the office water cooler. On stage. I believe all of us can change the world…and when you have a microphone, you can do it faster.

Think about it: The ideas that spawned the greatest shifts in our society all started with a sentence. Martin Luther King Jr. is a great example, his words moving people to tears and to action. So were these maverick suffragists – and I only wish there was video of the throw-down speeches they must have delivered (not to mention the hecklers they likely endured).

This is exactly why I feel so strongly about the Girls Fight Back speaking tour that will begin in September. Wanna get on the tour? Jump on it by contacting us here. It is also why I am launching the first-ever socially conscious speakers agency later this year called Evoso. (a blended of “evolve + society” since that’s exactly what speaking your truth accomplishes)

This week, remember the great work of women’s suffragists and all crusaders for equality – both past and present. Then ask yourself how your voice can change the world. We need to hear it.

I am super excited to announce that I have joined the Board of Hollaback, an international movement dedicated to ending street harassment using mobile technology. I’m hoping you’ll join me in financially supporting a very exciting campaign going on right now specifically to end harassment on college campuses. Learn more about the campaign or DONATE by clicking here.

Its co-founder, Emily May, and I have been friends in the women’s movement for a long time…so it’s so exciting to join forces in a more official way. Since you’ll be hearing more from me about the great work of Hollaback in the future, here’s a little more info about them in their own words from Hollaback website. If you feel moved to get involved, please support the campus campaign!

Street harassment is one of the most pervasive forms of gender-based violence and one of the least legislated against. Comments from “You’d look good on me” to groping, flashing and assault are a daily, global reality for women and LGBTQ individuals. But it is rarely reported, and it’s culturally accepted as ‘the price you pay’ for being a woman or for being gay. At Hollaback!, we don’t buy it.

We believe that everyone has a right to feel safe and confident without being objectified. Sexual harassment is a gateway crime that creates a cultural environment that makes gender-based violence OK. There exists a clear legal framework to reproach sexual harassment and abuse in the home and at work, but when it comes to the streets—all bets are off. This gap isn’t because street harassment hurts any less, it’s because there hasn’t been a solution. Until now. The explosion of mobile technology has given us an unprecedented opportunity to end street harassment—and with it, the opportunity to take on one of the final new frontiers for women’s rights around the world.

By collecting women and LGBTQ folks’ stories and pictures in a safe and share-able way with our very own mobile phone applications, Hollaback! is creating a crowd-sourced initiative to end street harassment. Hollaback! breaks the silence that has perpetuated sexual violence internationally, asserts that any and all gender-based violence is unacceptable, and creates a world where we have an option—and, more importantly—a response.

Bored this afternoon?  Looking for some thing entertaining to read on the Internet?  I’ve got a few things for you.  I’ve been trying to post these on our Facebook page, but Facebook has not been cooperative.  So click away!

Wonderful article about the 10th Annual Shannon McNamara Run and Walk held yesterday.

Article from Wesley College about GFB Jaime’s recent program there. (Be sure to check out the picture accompanying this article in which Jaime looks like she totally knows what she is talking about.  Awesome!)

And I’ve seen a lot of great success stories recently.  Here are a few:

Woman fights off a man trying to abduct her.

13-year-old girl fights off a knife-wielding attacker.

12-year-old girl tricks a would-be kidnapper with her iPod Touch.

Found an interesting article?  Saw a success story online?  Friend us on Facebook and share your link there.  Or if Facebook hates you like it obviously hates me, put your link in the comments!

             Well, hello there everyone! I just wanted to take a quick second to thank all of GFB’s  supporters for what you enable us to do.  Something we hear a lot at GFB is “thank you.”  We hear it after seminars from our awesome clients and great audiences.  We see it when you post it to our facebook page and when you email us.  But the truth of the matter is you deserve the thank you because, without you, our mission would have never come this far. 

                I was thinking about this yesterday on my flight from Portland to Philadelphia.  Some people, when I tell them that for a certain part of the year I live in airports and hotel rooms, they ask me how I do that.  Well, the truth is that it doesn’t really give me any pause and on my flight yesterday I kept thinking how lucky I am.  Sure, I’ll be living in airports and Hampton Inns for a while but I meet the most amazing and inspiring people when I ‘m on the road and I get to talk with them about something so fundamental to all of our lives.  The truth is that, without all of the support you have given us over the years, we wouldn’t have been able to spread our nearly message as far or nearly as fast.  

                Thank you for making what we do possible and keep hoping with us that someday it will be a service that is no longer needed and working with us to make that day happen.

                Strong. Resilient. Spirited. Unified. 

One of my favorite organizations is at a pivotal moment in its growth today and I wanted to share something about them here. The group is called Hollaback and it has chapters all over the country.

I first became a fan at the age of 19 when on my first ever trip to NYC I was verbally harassed on the street outside Grand Central Station by a couple of guys. They whistled at me to get my attention and then one of them told me that he would “sure like to tap that.” As they started walking towards me, I froze. Being young and out of my element, I had no idea what to do. A woman in her late twenties walked up beside me and snapped a picture of the two men with her camera before telling them to back off in a loud clear voice. They called her a bitch and walked away.

I turned to thank her. She handed me a piece of paper with a web address on it and said, “no problem, check out the site.” What I found was an online community where women posted photos of street harassers and spoke out about their feelings after being catcalled. I checked the site a week later and sure enough, there was the photo of the two men who had harrassed me. The site has since grown into a nationwide movement.

Today, Hollaback is on the verge of getting an iPhone app, but they need money to get it. They have 1 day and about $1700 left to raise. If you are able, consider donating to them here: www.ihollaback.org

And if you want to learn more, check out this link for an interview with the amazing Miss DC, Jen Corey. You can watch a video of her on NBC discussing her experiences with street harassment.

Super excited to see California taking some strong steps to make self-defense education a required part of a public school education!  Check out this link!

March is already starting out to be an exciting month for me.  I’ll be doing Fight Back Productions gigs in Georgia, Ohio, Wisconsin, South Carolina, and Florida.  Crazy! 

But in between the out of town excursions, there are some exciting things going on right here in town that I want to share with you.  I hope that if you are in NC you’ll come and join me!

First up, at 3pm on Saturday, March 13^th, I’ll be presenting a free Girls Fight Back! seminar at Advanced World Martial Arts Systems in Kernersville.  The program is appropriate for ages 13 and up and will last about 90 minutes with plenty of time after to answer any questions you may have.  I’ll be talking about ways to avoid becoming the target of a violent crime by trusting your intuition and behaving like a bad victim and I’ll finish up with some simple fight techniques that you can use if you ever find yourself confronted by an attacker.  The program is presented with tons of humor and you’ll leave feeling like a stronger, more empowered person.  Pete Andrews of AWMAS has graciously agreed to let me use his studio for free and while there is no charge for the seminar itself, we will be collecting donations for Heroes Serving Humanity.  For more information about the workshop check out: http://www.awmas1.com/page_latestnews.htm. And call 336-992-5223 to sign-up.  Call ASAP – space is limited.

Also in the realm of violence prevention, from March 12^th thru March 27^th; V-Day Greensboro will be presenting staged readings of Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues and A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant, and A Prayer at Open Space Café Theatre in Greensboro, NC.  These very adult oriented productions explore how our society affects the way women view their bodies and the way that violence impacts the lives of women around the globe.  I’ll be performing in A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant, and A Prayer, so come check it out and say hi to me afterwards! The Vagina Monologues performs March 11, 13, and 26 at 8pm. A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant, A Prayer performs March 12, 25, and 27 at 8pm.  Tickets are $10 each and can be purchased at the door or make reservations by calling (336) 687-1319.  All proceeds go to The Sherri Denese Jackson Foundation in Greensboro NC.

If you aren’t in North Carolina, you can find out more about the V-day campaign and look for events in your area by checking out www.vday.org.  And be sure to check out our FBP calendar at www.fightbackproductions.com/calendar to when we’ll be in your neck of the woods!

March is already starting out to be an exciting month for me.  I’ll be doing Fight Back Productions gigs in Georgia, Ohio, Wisconsin, South Carolina, and Florida.  Crazy! 

But in between the out of town excursions, there are some exciting things going on right here in town that I want to share with you.  I hope that if you are in NC you’ll come and join me!

First up, at 3pm on Saturday, March 13^th, I’ll be presenting a free Girls Fight Back! seminar at Advanced World Martial Arts Systems in Kernersville.  The program is appropriate for ages 13 and up and will last about 90 minutes with plenty of time after to answer any questions you may have.  I’ll be talking about ways to avoid becoming the target of a violent crime by trusting your intuition and behaving like a bad victim and I’ll finish up with some simple fight techniques that you can use if you ever find yourself confronted by an attacker.  The program is presented with tons of humor and you’ll leave feeling like a stronger, more empowered person.  Pete Andrews of AWMAS has graciously agreed to let me use his studio for free and while there is no charge for the seminar itself, we will be collecting donations for Heroes Serving Humanity.  For more information about the workshop check out: http://www.awmas1.com/page_latestnews.htm. And call 336-992-5223 to sign-up.  Call ASAP – space is limited.

Also in the realm of violence prevention, from March 12^th thru March 27^th; V-Day Greensboro will be presenting staged readings of Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues and A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant, and A Prayer at Open Space Café Theatre in Greensboro, NC.  These very adult oriented productions explore how our society affects the way women view their bodies and the way that violence impacts the lives of women around the globe.  I’ll be performing in A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant, and A Prayer, so come check it out and say hi to me afterwards! The Vagina Monologues performs March 11, 13, and 26 at 8pm. A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant, A Prayer performs March 12, 25, and 27 at 8pm.  Tickets are $10 each and can be purchased at the door or make reservations by calling (336) 687-1319.  All proceeds go to The Sherri Denese Jackson Foundation in Greensboro NC.

If you aren’t in North Carolina, you can find out more about the V-day campaign and look for events in your area by checking out www.vday.org.  And be sure to check out our FBP calendar at www.fightbackproductions.com/calendar to when we’ll be in your neck of the woods!

Just saw this awesome article about our recent Girls Fight Back presentation at Kent State.

Way to go Michaela!

We here at Fight Back Productions spend a lot of time not only teaching women how to be their own best protectors, but celebrating their success when they are. But the sad truth is, beyond the pages of this blog and a few others like it, women’s self-defense success doesn’t always get the recognition it deserves.

That’s why I was thrilled to see this headline in The New York Times this week:

“Woman Fights Off Attacker”

The story tells of a woman who was grabbed in a choke hold while waiting for an elevator, threatened with a piece of broken glass and ordered to “take off your clothes.” The woman refused, began to fight back and ultimately chased her attacker down the stairs and out of the building. When she told an on-duty security guard of the would-be rapist and he declined to take action, this hero of a woman continued to chase her attacker down the street, determined that he should be caught and prevented from harming other women. He eventually disappeared into the city, but what’s amazing here is the bravery and the courage that this woman showed in handling what could have been a deadly situation.

Not only did she protect herself, but she was determined to protect other women by taking this creep down. She had him literally running scared through the streets of New York! Heaven help the creepy bad guy who tries to attack a woman ready to fight back. Not only will he NOT get what he’s looking for, but he’ll piss her off in the process – and when that happens, he better look out.

This courageous New York woman reminds all of us – along with all of the creepy weirdos out there – that there is indeed NOTHING more dangerous that an angry woman.

There is an old German proverb that reads: “Who takes the child by the hand, takes the mother by the heart.” From the minute a slimy, closed-eyed, squalling little baby is laid across its mother’s chest, the mother begins to look at the world differently. (Check out FBP founder Erin Weed’s latest blog about natural childbirth and her journey into motherhood.) What used to look like a fun, predictable place now looks like a cesspool of predators, electrical outlets, and sharp-cornered coffee tables.

I have successfully guided my daughter through this dangerous world for almost 17 months now and despite her share of falls (off the bed, down a short flight of stairs, off the couch, etc. etc.) she is today a strong willed and independent toddler.

Today was her first day of preschool.

Of course, that sounds dramatic. Really today was her first day of ever being cared for by someone other than a family member. She is attending two half days a week at a local church preschool which amounts to a whopping 6 hours a week in the care of someone else. Still, it is a big step for us.

When we were looking for a preschool, I thought we were doing everything right. We grilled our friends for recommendations; we toured a few options; we asked questions and finally made a decision. The final decision was really made by Cassie. Like most toddlers, she has separation anxiety. Every place we toured she was clingy and unwilling for us to set her down for even one moment. But this one preschool, she really opened up and dove right in. She played with toys and smiled at teachers. We thought she was making her choice known. So we went with it.

A month after filing out my registration form and signing over that first tuition check, I was reading Protecting the Gift by Gavin de Becker and realized…maybe my (then) 13 month old wasn’t the best person to rely on to choose a safe preschool. I was reading the chapter about choosing a preschool and feeling so stupid. I had asked questions, but they hadn’t been the real questions on my mind. I had let others convince me what a great place this was, but didn’t even ask if they background checked their employees! What had I done?!

I decided to make an appointment to see the director and ask all the right questions this time. I knew that this place was such a great school that her answers would put me at ease. I was shocked to find out that while the school does background check employees, it doesn’t background check volunteers or follow the Department of Justice Guidelines for the Screening of Persons Working with Children. I tried hard not to let my disappointment show as I received honest, yet somewhat scary answers to my child safety questions. I was beginning to realize that I had a hard decision to make. My child could not attend this school.

As I was about to wrap things up, the director of the preschool shared a particularly candid story with me about a time that she had suspected a parent of abusing their child. Hearing about her quick and decisive action gave me a glimmer of hope. We began to have a simple and honest dialogue about safety. No more questions with pass or fail answers, just a few adults talking about how to make their community safer for children.

In the course of this dialogue, I shared my connection to Fight Back Productions and talked about the book Protecting the Gift. I shared with the director and her assistant director everything that I was learning. She said, “Then maybe you can help us.”

Later that afternoon, we were exchanging emails about fingerprint based background checks and video camera security systems. My suggestions were treated with respect and just recently, the director shared with me that the church had approved the installation of a new security system!

I was amazed by what could happen when just one person asks the tough questions. So today was Cassie’s first day at that same school. I’m confident that as long as I keep speaking up and the administration keeps listening and working with me, we can create an environment where the kids can not only be safe, but can grow and thrive.

For more information about what you can do to be sure your child is safe at school check out this article.

It’s not uncommon for women to question their own ability when it comes to self defense. Especially, when they have never encountered a combat situation before. With that in mind, I wanted to post a reminder that when in doubt, act it out!

71-year-old, 3 time Olympic gold medalist, Dawn Fraser, fought off and helped capture a man who tried to rob her home north of Brisbane yesterday. When asked how she did it, Fraser replied “He threatened my life and I got really annoyed. This guy came out of the gate and grabbed me and I grabbed him by the ear and I kicked him in the groin.”

Hats off to Fraser, who is a shining example that you can open up a can o’ whoop ass, at any age!!

Watch the news clip here.

This past Wednesday, I had the honor of giving my very first ever Girls Fight Back presentation at the Industries for the Blind here in my hometown.  I worried so much before I got there.  I worried about offending the girls I would be speaking to, I worried about not being able to present the information in a way that would be effective for them,  I just worried… A LOT!

I presented to a small group of girls with varying degrees of vision capabilities who were a part of the IFB’s Summer Camp Experience.  When I arrived, they were chowing down on pizza and laughing about their morning adventure visiting a local farm.  I got set-up and started talking to the girls about the program.

Within 10 minutes of starting the presentation, I stopped worrying.  I stopped because these girls had already interjected a dozen or more personal stories and asked what felt like a hundred questions.  I realized that the desire to learn and the yearning to tell our own stories transcends our differences.

The gig was a huge hit with the girls and their teacher even asked if I would be willing to come back and teach the staff at IFB!

On Saturday, I presented two programs back to back.  One for teens at a local teen club and one for mommies at a local church.  Doing two gigs in a row like that was tough!  But once I got started, I found all this energy rushing into me.  Both were a great success and I couldn’t believe the amazing response I got from all the participants.

You would think that I couldn’t find three groups with greater differences than these.  I mean, high school girls, mommies, and teenagers with varying degrees of blindness, what do they have in common?  But after each presentation, at least one audience member approached me to express their fears.  One young girl at IFB said that she lived in fear of being out after dark.  One teen told me there was a certain street near her house that she didn’t dare walk down alone.  A couple of mommies talked about spending thousands of dollars on high tech alarm systems, but still being overwhelmed by the fear that someone might snatch their children away from them at the mall, grocery store or local park.

As women, we all live with these fears.  Fears that were passed down to us by our mothers and their mothers before them.  This week, in a brilliant article in the Huffington Post, writer Ellen Snortland (author of Beauty Bites Beast) suggests that we put an end to this legacy of fear by creating instead a legacy of safety.  Along with some awesome safety tips and a sweet shout-out to Girls Fight Back, she argues that self-defense training should be a mandatory part of getting a driver’s license.  What do you think?  Check out the article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ellen-snortland/license-to-live-time-to-m_b_253316.html  and leave us your thoughts in the comments!

We hear about situations all the time, where disturbed people get on to buses and passengers must decide what actions to take to remedy dangerous or uncomfortable situations. Yesterday was one such day.

After a long day of work, I got on my bus to head home. As I stepped off the first bus to transfer to another, a young man in his twenties followed close behind me, lighting a cigarette. As I waited for the light to change to green, I looked over to see him staring at me. He was taller than I, wearing a dress suit and black dress shoes. He held his black jacket in his left hand, loosely away from his body. His white with red pinstripe shirt, hanging out of his pants. He looked like a normal guy coming home from work.  However, there was something not quite right about him, though I couldn’t say exactly what it was.

As we crossed the street he followed close beside me. As he continued to smoke his cigarette, he proceeded to pull a faceless balaclava over his neck as he sat next to me on the bus bench. It was then that I knew for certain that something was off. There were several other people at the bus stop and my false sense of security convinced me to stay seated beside him. I was tired and I resented having to move from the only available space at the stop, in an effort to avoid this guy.

A minute later, my bus pulled up and I got on. As usual, there was only a few seats available so I took the first available seat before others got on. As I sat down, creepy guy sat down beside me. I opened my book in an effort to avoid any communication from him. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed his hand fall to the side of the seat that was shared between us. He slowly inched his way towards my thigh. He then took his other hand and went to pull something our of his pocket. I swiftly moved my hand to a ready position in anticipation of having to fight. When nothing happened, I left doubt to convince me that “I” may just be exaggerating the situation, I walked to the front of the bus to ask the bus driver which direction this bus took. This being my bus, I knew the answer but wanted a polite excuse to leave my seat. As I walked back to another seat directly across from this man, I noticed his hand was not in his pocket as I had first thought. He not pulling out a weapon, but he did indeed pull out something, covering himself with his jacket. I couldn’t believe what was happening on the bus, right in front of me, in front of everyone in broad daylight. I became enraged.

A man who was sitting beside this guy saw what was happening, became embarrassed and walked to the back of the bus. I looked over to a woman across from him and made eye contact with her. It was like I was looking for confirmation of what was happening. She looked back at me and we both knew what the other was thinking. Silence.

Something inside of me snapped and looked over at this man and said “Seriously! Are you kidding me with this?” No response. No one else said a word. I realized in a moment, from the way that he looked at me that he was psychotic. His direct stare and smirk sent a chill up my spine. My instinct told me that no verbal boundary setting would make a difference and that it was best to avoid him completely. As we came to the next stop, a little girl got on the bus with her mother busily attending the another child. As the little girl went to sit beside him, I heard the words come out of my mouth “No!” her mother looking at me, I repeated , “No. Not this bus.” Without question, she and her little girl got off. I walked to the front of the bus, told the bus driver what was happening and got off.

I pulled out my phone, dialed 911 and called the police. I gave them a complete description of this guy, including the bus number on the back of the bus. What happened next, I can’t know for sure.

Some people may experience a situation like this and shake it off as a creepy one. I however, chose to look back at the events and see what I could have done differently, what I did and what I won’t do again.

As people, as women, we tend to make excuses for our first reactions. We need to let our instincts guide us and not allow logic to blind us from potential danger. When I got off my first bus, I saw someone and instinctively knew something was wrong. I was uncomfortable that he sat beside me, but instead of moving I stayed seated. I allowed this man to sit beside me on the bus. I didn’t want to create a scene. Instead of telling him to move his hand, letting him know that he was in my space, I ignored my discomfort and made excuses to move. I looked to others for acknowledgment of something I knew myself.

All of the training in the world is not useful unless it’s practiced, acted upon in the real world. We have to be comfortable using our voices, trusting our instincts and putting them into action. One could argue that I made the right choices, as I really didn’t know this man’s full intent. He could have indeed become physically dangerous. Personally, as  a self-defense instructor, the physical defense aspect is less scary to me than the verbal boundary setting. I think that this is common to many women. It was a situation that was in many ways passive aggressive and a grey area of what should have been said or done. At the end of the day, despite questioning my actions, I made choices that kept me safe. I was able to stay calm and act in ways that didn’t escalate the situation. This allowed me to deal with potential danger and notify those around me of a threat.  I got the woman and girl off the bus, I told the bus driver what was happening and I then got myself to safety and called the police. Perhaps, that’s exactly what I was supposed to do; to be here to tell you about it.